The Relativity of Culminations

Ever since the grade above me completed theirs, and I came to know exactly what it entailed, I’ve been contemplating what exactly I wanted mine to be. At Meridian Tech we have to come up with a business idea, propose it to local “businesspeople,” and hope we can make it through Q.A.

I always thought I’d be proposing a web-business, or the creation of some kind of software. But as it were, I was grouped up with James, from the engineering pathway. Part of the project is to include everybody’s ability in whatever business idea you propose. For me, this means shying away from what I’d been contemplating for quite some time, and in three short days comping up with a completely new idea.

I’m not opposed to this, and I think in the end we came up with a much better idea. Something less straightforward than some of the other group’s ideas (restaurants and cloud-computing). I’m not going to explain our idea, as it will distract from why I’m writing this. But all in all, I think we have a pretty solid proposal ready for Tuesday. Our website mockup is done, the brochure finished, business cards printed, and 30 page business plan written. The only thing left is to finish this presentation I’ve been pouring myself into for the last week.

I have this weird feeling, it’s not the normal jitters I get before giving a presentation, nor a feeling of utter incompetence I got before my Junior Project last year. It’s more of a “I’m going to try as hard as I can, put everything I have into this, and hope everything turns out well” feeling. I’m not sure any of it’s going to go down well. All the affirmation in the world by my teachers, all the talking with my old friends in the grade above me, and all the contemplating how things can play out. It’s as though I’ve bypassed a serious step of preparing for this presentation on Tuesday. I tried to keep things feasible, while still having an innovative idea, yet present things as though you would for your Senior Project. This is it. There is no re-doing this one, and although I’m certain we’ll pass, I just don’t know by how much. Will all my effort bring us out on top with an A, or will we only make it with B because out idea was too unrealistic.

My mind is crammed full of this uncertainty. It’s less about passing, more about finishing things right. This is just a project, like any other, and I want to do it right, like any other. But because it’s “the” project I’ve been thinking about, and because it really affects my grade for the rest of the year, I’m quite afraid I’ll do it differently than I normally would.

Hype-wise, this project is larger than the others; but in relative terms of difficulty, it’s nothing special. It is what it is, and nothing more. I really need to keep this in mind.

This has been a really scattered post (as I feel the others have been). I’m going to start drafting these, and making sure they’re coherent in the future. But for now, I’m just concerned about how the next two days go.